Freedom From Fear

"The only real prison is fear, and the only real freedom is freedom from fear." - Aung San Suu Kyi



In this day of crisis in Myanmar, I am inspired again by this small petite woman who refused and still refuses to bow down or be cowed down by fear. I wish I could stand up like her and take the right decision that would enable me to lead a life that I have dreamed about.



Fear is a tool that Shani shining brilliantly above us has used for time immemorial to cow us down and stall us in our search for the ultimate truth. He has been so successful that we now have to go back to him and invoke him to reassure ourselves against the very weapon that he has used against us ( The shani mantra that my mom asks me to recite 108 times every day is ample proof:)). Krishna said repeatedly in the Bhagawadgita that "There is no difference between the Ultimate truth and Me"..."We are indistinguishable from each other".



For most part of my life Lord Krishna and his preachings have acted as a beacon light in my quest for the ultimate truth.



I have met someone recently who for the very first time in my adult life has invoked in me a sense of fear...unbirdled unhinged unrepentent fear ...fear that proposes to shake the very foundations of the many beliefs that have shaped my life.



I have always believed that you can take Life's complicated decisions by being deatched from the situation and taking a third party view. For the first time in my life, I have been unable to let go of my own identity and take a call without being hounded by my inner self.



I need to take a decision that would last for the rest of my life and I am very worried that I have to take it with Fear looming large on the horizon. I have grown deeply attached to a girl who refuses to commit in any tangible form or notion to being a part of my ultimate journey for truth.



I fear that I may have to lose what I have loved the most in my life ( My pride and my honour) in order to attain my new found love. I can hear King Khan (She loves him btw) saying "Kuch Paane ke liye kuch khona bhi padta hain" incessantly in my brain.



As many of you would have guessed by now, Marriage is something that has lynched many great and free minds and converted their independence to a mere triviality. For a free spirit such as me, this would mean worse than a Gullitone if I were ever to commit to the wrong person.



I am also afraid of the difficulties that arise in case I would say No to the girl of my dreams. As Sahir put it in his inimitable splendour , the pain of losing something you love even if it is a trade off is unimaginable.



merii naakaam muhabbat kii kahaani mat chhed

apnii mayoos umangon ka fasaanaa na sunaa

zindagii talkh sahii, zahar sahii, sitam hi sahii

dard-o-aazaar sahii, jabr sahii, Gham hi sahii

lekin is dard-o-Gham-o-jabr kii vusat ko to dekh

zulm kii chhaanv mein dam todtii khalqat ko to dekh

apnii mayoos umangon ka fasaanaa na sunaa

merii naakaam muhabbat ki kahaanii mat chhed



I feel like im caught between the devil and the deep sea. I wish that I possesed the wisdom of King Vikram in order to evade the questions posed by Betal (Life).


The following story probably has the answer to my woes. If any of you arre interested , please do suggest a course of action that would deliver me from this cumbersome puzzle.



"Dharmasheel, the king of Simhapuri was childless. He felt depressed without an heir to the throne. Hence he decided to worship Kali, the royal deity. He wanted to seek her blessings.Goddess Kali was pleased at his intense devotion. She appeared in his dreams and said "Dharmsheel, I am pleased with your sincere prayers. You will have a son who will be very powerful".Next morning, he king consulted the royal astrologer about his dream. The astrologer did some calculations and assured the king that his dream would come true.Nine months passed. Dharamsheel's wife gave birth to a baby boy. The king and the queen took the baby to the temple and after offering prayers, named the boy as Suryadev. Suryadev grew up to be a fine young man. His best friend was Harisen, son of a washer man.One day both the friends were walking on the banks of a river. There, amidst many washer men and washerwomen, Suryadev saw a beautiful young girl. He fell in love with her. At once, he went to the temple of Kali and prayed o the Goddess, "Mother! Grant me the wish to marry the girl I love and I shall offer my head at your altar on a full moon night".Even after returning to the palace, Suryadev lost interest in all his surroundings. He could neither sleep nor eat. He could only think of the beautiful girl he saw at the riverside. As a result, he fell ill. But he did not reel to anybody the cause for his mental agony. Even the royal physicians were unable to diagnose his ailment.Harisen was the only person the prince confided in. He told him about falling in love with a washer man's daughter.Harisen was very eager to save his friend's life. He immediately went to the king and explained the situation to him. The king was desperate to see his only son, healthy and happy. Hence he agreed to this marriage even though he did not like he idea of a prince marrying a washer-girl.Harisen approached the girl's father and urged him to accept this march. But none knew that Harisen himself was in love with the same girl. He sacrificed love for he sake of friendship.On an auspicious day, the prince Suryadev was married to Kanthimathi, daughter of the washer man.Soon the full moon night occurred. Suryadev went to Kali's temple along with his wife and friend. He asked both of them to wait outside the temple and alone entered the Sanctum Sanctorum. He stood before the Goddess and drawing the sword out, cut off his head as vowed by him.After anxiously waiting for a long time for Suryadev to come out of the temple, Harisen instructed Kanthimathi to wait outside the temple itself and went inside in search of his friend. But he was shocked to find the body of his friend lying at one corner with the blood dripping head rolling nearby."After all, Suryadev was happily married to the girl he loved. Oh my Friend! Why did you take this extreme step?" cried Harisen.He did not want to live without his friend. Moreover people might think that Harisen himself killed his best friend so that the could marry Kanthimathi. With these thoughts running in his mind, Harisen also cut off his head with the sword and died instantly.Mother Goddess was moved by Suryadev's devotion and sacrifice and also Harisen's loyalty towards the prince. She therefore brought both of them back to life. But while doing so, by mistake she place Harisen's head on Suryadev's body and Suryadev's head on Harisen's body.Suryadev and Harisen were now alive but with their heads and bodies interchanged. Kanthimathi was unaware of the incident that took place in the temple.The story ended here.

But Betal had a doubt. Whom should Kanthimathi accept as her husband?

Vikram had the right answer to this question. He said in a firm tone "Kanthimathi should accept the body which has Suryadev's head on it as that of her husband? He justified this reasoning and said, "It's because the entire body is controlled by the brain, this is, the head. A body is useless without the head. So, undoubtedly the person who has Suryadev's head is Kanthimathi's husband"."


Now it for the girl to decide whether she would want to life with my head or a life with only my heart....The answer as Bob Dylan sang so exquisitely is"Blowin in the Wind"